Necessary Evilz
by DayShadow
Summary: What would happen if Videl's personality had been a little... different? In other words, totally insane! She's driving Gohan nuts too, but that's okay, 'cause girls just wanna have fun! Sorry, not a G/V pairing.
1. More Than Meets the Eye

Nessecary Evilz Chapter One: More Than Meetz the Eye Warnings: Alternate Universe, Videl Out-Of-Character.  
Author's Notes: While working through the ideas for this story, I was torn between my hatred for Videl and my distate for stories in which all the females are portrayed as evil bitches from HFIL. So, I decided that in this universe, Videl was dropped on her head as a child, and she was transformed from a soulless demon into a kind, compassionate human being. There is a part of me that insists Videl could never be remotely human no matter _how_ many bumps on the head she took, but I'm going to ignore that part of me for now. Note that depending on the direction the plot goes, there might be light shoujo- or shounen-ai content! Last but not least, let me remind you that I have NO intention of pairing Gohan and Videl, who go together like french fries and birthday cake.

Necessary Evilz Chapter One: More Than Meets the Eye

The world, it seemed, belonged to her. Every person, every object, everything imaginable was hers for the taking. She was Kami. She was beyond Kami. She was the sheer embodiment of Goddess, in her own mind.  
It was because she was in control of her life. She was, for the first time, happy. She was happy because of a certain boy in her life. He was not her love; they never would love one another. He was not her best friend. He was simply the first person she knew who truly understood. Eventually, he would help others to understand. Eventually, they would both find someone else who understood, and that person would be their true love.  
In short, Videl was a very lucky girl.

"Lieutenant Phun 'n' Phreaky, reporting for duty, Sir!" Gohan said and saluted. Videl saluted back. He stood up, his back straightened, while Videl walked around him, pacing around her apartment's kitchen, with a militaristically sinister look on her face.  
"Lieutenant! Stand taller! Slouching scum like you don't deserve to be in my army," Videl growled, even though Gohan was already stretched to his maximum height. "Tell me, Lieutenant, what happened to your hair?"  
Gohan's cheeks were twin roses, lit on fire. His hair, once long and tied back, was now cut drastically short. "I used it to bargain for my apartment with my mom, Sir!"  
Videl choked and tripped to the floor. "Gohan! You did WHAT?" she exclaimed. By calling him by his real name, she had alerted Gohan that their game was over. She panted and clutched her chest, looking a little blue in the face. She turned to Gohan with wide, fearful eyes. "What apartment?"  
He twitched his fingers nervously. "That's why I'm over here," Gohan explained. "I wanted to tell you... I got my own apartment. It's just..." his words became more shaky. "Mom wouldn't let me get an apartment unless I got a more 'normal' haircut."  
Videl thought this over for a minute. Normally, students in Japan who attend a high school far from home get their own apartment. However, since Gohan had the ability to fly, his parents didn't think he needed one. It drove him crazier than a dog with its tail just out of reach. He desperately needed his own space and privacy. But, was cutting his hair (an immense source of his pride) really worth that seclusion?  
Apparently, Gohan seemed to think so. "I begged and I begged," he clarified, "until she finally said I could have my own apartment. She just had a condition, that's all. I met it, we were even, and now I have what I want."  
Videl nodded, stood back up, and sighed. "Well, okay. You look like a total dork, but you have fast-growing hair, right? You can just grow it back in a week, cut it when you go to see your mom, and keep it normal the rest of the time," Videl suggested.  
Gohan was shocked. "But that's cheating! That's unfairness! That's not keeping my end of the deal!"  
"So what? What your mom doesn't know won't hurt her. But, we'll argue about the hair some other time. Come on and show me your new place already," Videl urged, changing her tone from nagging to pleasant. Gohan obliged and led her out of her apartment... and into the apartment five doors down.  
"Wow! That's so close to me! How did that happen?" Videl shrieked. She ran around the rooms, inspecting every detail. She seemed particularly interested in the cardboard boxes and suitcases. She begged with her eyes to be shown the contents of these containers.  
Gohan ignored her silent plea and instead answered her verbal question. "Well, it was mostly good luck and good timing," he began, "but I did mention to my parents that this building was a very nice place."  
"Nice? Are you kidding me? The drink machines around her don't even work!" she growled. "I have to walk all the way across the street just to get my favorite carbonated beverage."  
Gohan narrowed his eyes at her. "You've said that a about hundred times already. In fact, you've made me go get you a drink about hundred times already."  
Videl stared right back at him, glaring. "Well, you can fly! You're supposed to use your 'superpowers' for good, right?" She absolutely ripped him apart with the word 'superpowers.'  
"YEAH, WELL I CAN'T JUST GO FLYING AROUND THE CITY AND LET PEOPLE POINT AND STARE LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF ACTION HERO, CAN I?"  
Videl snorted. "That would be funny!" she yipped, smiling and hugging her arms to her chest. "Wheeh! Look! There goes Super Saiyaman, up, up, and away!"  
The boy smiled too, warmer and deeper than she. "Yeah, I suppose," he said. "Just don't throw the name 'Super Saiyaman' around. If Godzilla ever attacks our city, and I am FORCED to save everyone, that's the alias I'm gonna use."  
"Yeah, right, pal. In your dreams. If you're ever put in charge of saving everyone, we're all gonna die." She looked deeper into one of the boxes. "Got any photos in here?" she asked. "You know, of your family and friends?"  
Gohan opened one of the cardboard boxes and pulled out a giant photo album. He sat down on his bed and beckoned for Videl to come sit with him. He leafed through the book, pointing out all of his family members, the Briefs family, and his friends. Videl leaned on his shoulder and asked questions about all of his loved ones. She also teased him about pictures of him as a child, of which there were very few. "Aww, c'mon, you were a cute little kid. What are you ashamed of? Every mother wants a cute son like that!" she tittered. He suggested she go to HFIL, and she responded by hitting him with a pillow.  
After surviving a barrage of cushions, Videl finally finished looking at Gohan's album. "Hey, hey, Gohan," she asked, "Where's Piccolo? Don't you have a picture of him, too?"  
Gohan shook his head. "Nope. He's kinda camera shy."  
"Ooooh," she whined, burying her face in a pillow. "I'll never be able to see, never! You don't trust me!"  
Something hard fell on the bed in front of her. She picked it up and examined it. It was a large silver coin. Engraved on the front was a seven-pointed star. On the back was a crescent moon with a sun in the empty space. "What kind of coin is this...?" she thought aloud. When she inspected the side, however, she knew the truth. The coin was really a well-disguised locket.  
The locket had two compartments for pictures. On the first side, the side with the star, was a picture of Videl and Gohan together. They were laughing, and they were pointing at one another with fake guns. She smiled, recalling the day that picture had been taken. It was one of her favorite memories. Apparently, it was one of Gohan's favorite memories too.  
The other side of the locket, with the moon and sun, contained a picture of someone she could only assume was Piccolo. He appeared to be deep in meditation. The folds of his hat were filled with multicolored flowers, the same kind as in the bouquet held by a younger Gohan, who stood off to the side looking giddier than a Sailor Moon girl.  
"I was very careful about that," Gohan commented, peering over Videl's shoulder. "I was very gentle with arranging the flowers. When he reentered reality, all that was left of me were the flowers in his hat and the bouquet I put in his arms. I don't think he ever figured it out.  
"I bought this locket when I found out I was going to high school. I put in Piccolo's picture for a favorite past memory, and I left a space open for a favorite future memory. It's my lucky coin," he said softly, almost whispering. His reverie lasted for another moment, and then he snapped out of it, smiling brightly and snapping the locket shut. He put the coin in his jacket pocket. "Isn't that silly? Now, how about us getting some of those drinks across the street?" he asked.  
She smiled and nodded. Gohan hadn't made a big deal out of it, but all the same, Videl understood. "Yeah! Since you're a resident now, you better start acting like one. After we get the drinks, I'm gonna show how to manipulate the people at the cinema snack bar into giving you a discount. Then, I'll teach you the joys of terrorizing pigeons. Let's go!"  



	2. Names, Faces, Places

Necessary Evilz Chapter 2: Names, Faces, PlacesA/N: I'm going on vacation for two weeks, so no updates. See you early August! 

Necessary Evilz Chapter Two: Names, Faces, Places

Even as he tried to enjoy himself, a question kept prodding the back of Gohan's mind. He didn't really want to say it aloud; it seemed so awkward and unnatural. Yet, it pestered him to no end. He eventually gave in, just as Videl was explaining which things pigeons are most frightened of.   
"They don't really mind it if you don't go through the center, so be sure to hit that little flock head on if you want success," she warned. She frowned as she discovered her pupil hadn't been paying very much attention. He was looking absentmindedly in the other direction. "Now come on--"   
"Videl?" asked Gohan. "Do you think I'm really, really bizarre?"   
Videl looked astonished. "Of COURSE I think you're bizarre. Why else would I name you Phun 'n' Phreaky?"   
"Not like that," he snapped. "I mean, I showed you that picture and everything, I told how I hadn't seen him for years--don't you think that's a little weird?"   
"What, you're talking about Piccolo?"   
"Duh. Whom else would I be talking about?"   
Videl shrugged playfully. "Maybe… oh, I dunno. Anyway, you're not the weirdest guy I've ever seen. I know this guy named Dende who goes around telling people about these magical balls…"   
Gohan spat out his soft drink. "DENDE?!?!"   
"Know him?"   
"Yup."   
She made a face. "He's weird. We met over the Internet. Now we meet on the weekends to discuss life, the universe, everything[1], and all that junk. I'm trying to teach him how to impress women. I keep telling him to stop talking about the balls, but he won't listen…"   
"If you keep making those faces, it will get stuck that way," Gohan chided. "Now, about Dende…"   
"That's what my dad always said when I was a little girl. 'Now, Viddy, be a nice little girl and make nice faces, or you'll be stuck ugly like that.' Man, those were the days…"   
Gohan snorted. "Yeah, whatever. About Dende--"   
"I could make such a great ugly face back then, man, it was awesome…"   
"Great. About Dende--"   
"I remember there was this little bully on our street, and he was always mean to everybody except me, 'cause when I made a face at him, he got scared and ran away! Ha ha! That was great!"   
"VIDEL!"   
She stopped talking and looked at Gohan inquisitively. "Anything wrong?" she asked.   
"This is serious!" Gohan insisted. "Dende is the Guardian of Earth! Kami! He's supposed to be watching everybody, and instead he's slacking off with you. The fate of 6 billion people[2] is in his hands! Something could go terribly wrong…"   
Videl nodded. "I see what you mean. But… it just doesn't make sense. Kami should know better than that. You wanna go check it out?"   
Gohan agreed, and after much bickering about how Videl was to get there (she had just barely begun to learn to levitate), they held hands as Gohan pulled Videl up into the sky, towards Kami's Lookout.   
"Woo! I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm Super-Saiyaman's worst nightmare!" Videl shouted giddily as Gohan hoisted her into the air. "Look! There are our apartments! That's our school! That's the section of town I got kicked out of for disturbing the peace!" Gohan mentally winced as he recalled the day Videl dressed up in a chicken costume and ran around the neighborhood screaming, "Super Saiyaman, come and get me! Bawk bawk bawk! CHICKEN!!!!!!!!"   
"Don't talk about that, okay, Videl? Why do you insist on trying my patience every day?" he asked, sighing. Even with his strength, it was tough to hold on to Videl while she wiggled around to look at the sights.   
The schoolgirl giggled like, well, a schoolgirl. "I just want to push you past your limit. I want to see you stand up for yourself," she chided. Apparently, driving people half-mad was her idea of fun.   
"Yeah, well, stop moving or I might let you go."   
"Like you would."   
"I would."   
"Yeah, right. Hey, is that one of our pigeon friends I see?" 

Gohan plopped Videl down in a soft bush. She thrashed about in the foliage as Gohan landed firmly on the floor and began a conversation with Mr. Popo. Finally, Videl escaped from the clutches of the bush--she nicknamed it Mr. Evil Plant-Thingy--and staggered over to Gohan.   
"He's in the room over there," said Mr. Popo, motioning behind him, "but I wouldn't go in there if I were you. It's just--scary."   
"C'mon, Videl, let's go see what's up with Dende," suggested Gohan, completely oblivious to the various leaves and twigs stuck to Videl's clothing and hair. She merely grunted in response, wearing the expression of a cat that has just recently been given a bubble bath.   
While Mr. Popo stayed behind to tend to the shrubbery Videl had injured, the other two crept into the aforementioned room. It was spacious and well lit. On one side was an extremely large wall mirror, and posing in front of it was Dende, reading phrases out of a lesson book. "Hey there," he said to the mirror, "I haven't seen you around. You live here, or are you just visitin'?"   
Gohan and Videl toppled to the floor in shock. Dende looked over, alarmed at the disturbance, but sighed with relief when he saw his two friends. Wait--Videl can't fly. How'd she get here? "Wh-what are you doing?" he asked shakily.   
The humans helped each other to stand. "Sorry, Dende," Videl muttered, "but I didn't anticipate that. You study hard?"   
"Yeah," Dende replied proudly. "At this rate, it'll be easy to get a girlfriend."   
Gohan fell over again, and this time it took both the girl and the Namek to help him stand. "Get a WHAT?" he demanded. "He's supposed to be protecting the world, and you're trying to help him get a GIRLFRIEND?"   
Videl shrugged. "C'mon, he has plenty of time for that. I was just trying to explain to him about love--human style. Only, he didn't really understand. I guess I thought it would be good to give him some field training, you know, real life practice. A girlfriend would be good for him"   
"But you know they'd break up," Gohan countered, "because she would want a loving relationship and he would want a primer in human emotions. It doesn't work like that."   
"Yeah, but what if they fell in love?"   
Gohan snorted. "Nameks are asexual. Nobody wants an asexual boyfriend."   
"I don't think so," Videl replied. "I bet we can find someone that does, if we look hard enough. I'll check over here. You can go check over in that mirror."   
Dende knew this argument was going to get ugly.   
"Guys, guys, take it easy," he pleaded. "C'mon, can't we all just have a friendly conversation? Let's talk about something, like, um, like the play Videl is in!" At first, Gohan and Videl only looked at one another skeptically, but soon, everyone was talking about the play and had apparently forgotten the previous squabble.   
Videl explained the most difficult part of the play, the Evil Kiss. Videl played the Evil Queen, so she had to give the Good Prince the Kiss of Death. Of course, he didn't really die; he just went into a comatose-like state until the Ditzy Princess saved him. When Dende asked why a simple kiss was so difficult, Videl decided to demonstrate.   
She wrapped her arms around Gohan's head and gave him a deep, passionate, fake kiss. He flailed around and tried to escape, but she held him tight and he didn't want to risk injuring her. Her hands, pressed to his mouth, effectively muffled his screams of sheer terror.   
The girl broke away and allowed the boy to breath. "…hu… hu… hu…" she laughed upon seeing his horrified expression. (A/N: That laugh is property of TDP-sama, but she thought it fit my Videl and she wanted her to borrow it.)   
Gohan lifted his head sharply. "Videl! Dende! Did you feel that?"   
"Feel what?" they asked in unison.   
"That ki!" he practically shouted. "A large ki I've never felt before, just now! Didn't either of you feel it?"   
They shook their heads, and Gohan sighed, exasperated. 

An hour later, the humans left Kami's Lookout for respective homes. On the way out, Videl said hi to Mr. Evil Plant-Thingy, and Gohan apologized to Mr. Popo for the damages she had caused. The boy was not happy with anything she had done, but he had faith in Dende and Mr. Popo.   
That evening later, Gohan and Videl were sitting together in Gohan's kitchen, sorting mail and doing homework. "Look here," said Videl. "I got a letter from my dad, and at the very bottom it says, 'P.S. I hope you get a boyfriend soon.' The nerve of him! He'll never give up, I guess."   
"Yeah, my mom's really been bugging me about a girlfriend, too. How can I tell her I just haven't found the right one yet?"   
"You never will, if you keep up your act."   
Gohan indignantly replied, "What's that supposed to mean?" She didn't answer him. Instead, she continued to sort through her mail. Gohan tried to communicate with her, but she refused to look at him. "What did I do to deserve the silent treatment?" he asked. "Unless--unless you're upset because you have a crush on me!"   
Videl and Gohan exchanged a "look" for about 1.36 seconds before they burst out laughing. "Yeah, that'll be the day," she muttered. "I'm just saying, I think you're overlooking someone who's already in your life. But, you'll probably never know."   
"Whatever, Videl."   
"That's General Devil to you, Lieutenant Phun 'n' Phreaky!" More laughter occurred.   
Videl's eyes suddenly lit up. "You know what? If you need a girlfriend and I need a boyfriend…"   
Gohan caught on and shook his head firmly. "No. I'm not deceiving my mom." Videl stared at him for a moment until he gave in. "Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea," he admitted. "At the very least, it would keep everyone happy."   
"Now you're talking!" exclaimed Videl. "Look out, world, here come Videl and Gohan, the 'perfect' high school couple!" 

[1]Life, The Universe, and Everything is the title of a book by Douglas Adams. It's funny!   
[2]Yup, people. We've hit 6 billion. Is that a good thing?


End file.
